Danentine’s Day

A collection of love poems for our unconditionally loyal fanbase.

Just Another Dan

Tears falling on the bathtub floor

Thinking of the one I adore

I was his only fan

But he was just another Dan

Our love was as true as QAnon

Still it died away like ripples in a pond

Staring down at my feet

Thinking of how he kicked me away, YEET

Reaching out one last time to hold his hand

But he was just another Dan

Our love stood tall as Ben Shapiro

He gave me the powers of a superhero

Stole my heart when he committed election fraud

Converted me to a monotheistic religion, he was my One True God

All I wanted was one more chance

But he was just another Dan

Ignored the red flags with audacity

He ran out of love for me like California’s ICU capacity

He’ll never treat me right

But maybe if I give him just one more night…

I know I’m not the only one

But I can’t help it

I must make my final stand

For he is my only Dan

Haikus

Stared into the sun

Saw what our love could incite

Capitol Riots

One thing on my mind

The prettiest appendage

Needed the feet pics

Blinded by his love

Couldn’t see what was right there

Trump’s Russian Pee Tapes

His Most Beautiful Feature

Do you see what I see?

Not his hair, not his eyes

Look past his lies

Look past his wink

What you seek is closer than you think

Do you see what I see?

Tucking his lips into bed

Without a touch, caressing your head

Might turn your inner thighs

Into a slip ‘n slide

Do you see what I see?

Coating his face like a sprinkling of snow

Could make any girl his hoe

It’ll provide you protection

Yet in 9 months, you may need a C-section

Now you see what I see

No longer I must ask

For now what you see

Is his perfect mustache